It’s a tradition that has taken us to six countries so far, but this year, she doesn’t know where we’re going: it’s a complete surprise.

Earlier this year, when we were searching for possible locations to visit, the idea crossed my mind to plan our entire itinerary and make this trip a one-of-a-kind surprise.

Before we started our relationship, I used to solo travel and book everything myself, so the concept of taking control over where we would go wasn’t far-fetched.

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For her to relinquish control over this travel project and entrust it to me was simultaneously exciting and a bit terrifying.

She’s someone who wants to be in control of things, even when she has no control over them. This is driven by a fear of the unknown or uncertainty about how to respond to an unforeseen predicament.

I completely understand where she’s coming from, as I spent most of my life dealing with various levels of social anxiety, worrying about the worst possible outcomes and feeling paranoid about being ill-prepared for impending doom.

However, I haven’t felt that way in a long time after years of working on this personal flaw. While my wife has made progress in managing her need for control, it occasionally resurfaces, but she’s not alone in battling it; we tackle it together.

While most people who hear about this trip love the idea of a man taking charge and surprising his wife, I see it as an opportunity for growth in our relationship.

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My wife stepping back and allowing me to choose our destinations is an exercise in her trust in me and her willingness to release her grip on control.

I take none of this for granted. Many people throw around the word “love,” but we can still love people we don’t fully like or trust. My wife’s demonstration of complete trust in me and my leadership, combined with my commitment to following through, has only strengthened our bond.

As far as my wife knows, we are visiting three cities and a beach somewhere in Europe. I’ve given her estimated temperatures so she can pack appropriately and asked her what kind of beach environment she prefers, showing that I care about her comfort in a foreign land.

It’s been months since we booked our travels, and neither of us has wavered. The bit of fear she felt at the beginning vanished long ago and has been replaced with exuberance.

She’s excited to discover each destination on the day of travel, turning the entire two weeks into a constant mystery with reveals every few days.

While I’m looking forward to exploring and relaxing, I’m equally excited to see my wife’s smile when she learns about her next destination.

Refer a friend

How do you know if someone is the right one to marry? It's a difficult question to answer, but it's a necessary one to ask so you don't spend years with someone you'll hate.

Recently, my friend Isaiah Carter got married, and I'll be one of his groomsmen at his wedding ceremony in a couple of weeks.

Isaiah credits me for pushing him to propose to his wife, Careen, because I saw how she possessed something that many men wish they had beside them.

It all started about a year ago when we all attended a Red Bulls game together. I believe I had met her once before, but this was the first time we were all together doing an activity as friends.

For me, it goes beyond the obviousness of them being a cool couple, and I look at the subtleties that matter far more. I watched how she looked at him with reverence and had genuine respect for him.

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We were at a soccer game, which was more of his interest, but she was just as excited as he was to be there and wore matching jerseys with him.

There was a value to their relationship that most people are searching for, and it's hard to simplify by using a single word. I can only come up with a phrase that fits: She rocks with him.

Or, in other words, she's in full support of him and whatever he wants to do personally or professionally. The root of that support stems from her deep-rooted trust in him as a man.

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I've stated before how my wife trusting me allows me to take risks without worry, leading to a much bigger payoff in the end. His wife possesses a level of faith every man should dream of having beside him when he's attempting to conquer the world.

In many ways, her approach to attending the soccer game with her man is how she approaches everything with him: Whatever he's doing, she's going to match his energy and level of support.

The Bible talks about how when we get married, we become one, and that's what I saw from her. I saw a marriageable woman who only wants to be one with her man.

While at the stadium, I found a moment to pull him aside while she was distracted and said to him with a serious face, "So, when are you going to stop playing around and marry her?"

He was puzzled because of how blunt I was, but he received the message with seriousness. The truth is that I didn't convince him to marry her; I confirmed what he wanted to do all along.

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Sometimes in life, you need that nudge or confirmation that this is the right move, and another man giving his lovingly unsolicited advice is what you need to affirm what you wanted to do all along.

Unlike how most people approach relationship stages as time-oriented, I don't believe that is the end-all, be-all. Plenty of terrible relationships last a long time, and I wouldn't recommend they get married.

Instead, I look at the dynamic between the individuals and the seriousness of their relationship. This is a man who has never said a negative word about her to me and who holds her in high esteem, just as I do when discussing my wife.

And it's not enough to love someone because love only takes you so far. We all have family members we claim to love, but we don't trust them, nor do we like being around them that much.

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These two like each other, look forward to hanging out in their pastime, and see every moment they have together as a gift, not a burden.

I told Isaiah to stop playing around because I know how hard it is to find someone like this. Anything of value, you don't let go or take for granted.

And if I'm to be even clearer about my reasoning for Isaiah to marry her: I wanted Isaiah to experience what I have with my wife on a daily basis. I couldn't see myself being with any other woman, and I wouldn't be the man I am today without her.

Months after that conversation, he proposed to her, and over the past year, I've watched him grow in maturity and in his career ambitions beyond what he ever thought would be possible.

It's a lot easier to be hopeful about the future's unknowns when you have someone next to you who honors their vows: For better or worse.

Congratulations, Isaiah and Careen.

Refer a friend

Becoming a father has been the greatest blessing of my life and an honor my father missed out on. When my son was born, I knew I didn’t want to be like my father: a selfish man who chose everything over his children.

Growing up, Father’s Day meant nothing to me, but now, as a father, it has become a moment to reflect on my growth as a man for both myself and my son.

He’s now 19 years old, approaching life with honor and holding himself to a higher standard than his peers.

I remember talking to him about a new friend (he was about 15 years old), and when I inquired about how things were going, he told me he’d stopped reaching out to him.

When I asked why, he said, “Because he smokes weed, and I don’t want to be around that.”

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He’s calm, reasonable, and incredibly polite because of years of guidance and discipleship. At his age, he’s far more prepared for the world than I was and confident in achieving whatever he sets his mind to, thanks to the lessons I’ve taught him.

For decades, I was unsure about most things I attempted because I lacked a father to encourage me. When I messed up, I thought I was the only one who made such mistakes.

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When my son made a mistake or faced hardship, I always talked to him about it, explaining that it’s a normal part of life. I’d share my experiences so he wouldn’t take it personally or let it stop him from pursuing his goals.

When his first girlfriend broke up with him, we discussed it, and I shared stories of my own breakups in an age-appropriate way. After that conversation, I could see his shoulders no longer slouched as hope returned.

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This week, I’ve had several conversations with men, and a common theme emerged: they didn’t feel fully accepted by their fathers. Nothing they did was ever good enough or worth celebrating. Their interests were either ignored or dismissed by the most important man in their lives.

When my son told me he wanted to move to Japan to become a manga artist, I could have easily shot down the idea and told him to get a “real” profession like a closed-minded father. But I didn’t.

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Instead, I told him the truth: it would be incredibly challenging, and he might not succeed, but it was worth trying if it was his passion. If it didn’t work out, he was young enough to pivot, but he shouldn’t live with regret for not trying.

He took online Japanese language courses, and I introduced him to an artist friend, George Alexopoulos, who gave him realistic expectations about the journey ahead.

Years later, he decided to become an electrician instead, but it was always his choice to live life on his terms. I made it clear that I love him regardless of his career path.

I believe every child wants to know this: that their parent’s love and acceptance aren’t contingent on external successes or failures. My love for my son is not transactional. As long as he’s happy and upholds ethical values, I’m fine with whatever he chooses to do with his life.

Being a father is not just a noun; it’s a verb. It’s about love through action and sacrifice. Fatherhood, for me, has always been about preparing my son for the world so he can have a better life than I did.

I never wanted him to question whether his father loved him, as I did with my own father. We have mutual respect and admiration for each other. There is no greater joy than watching your child overcome obstacles on their own and achieve their goals.

It’s an honor to be his father.

Refer a friend

When my son was born, I felt unusual because I was looking forward to his teenage years. Typically, parents are infatuated with the toddler years and want them to last as long as possible; not me.

Growing up without my father, I couldn’t wait to give my son the advice my father never gave me. I was excited to be there for him when he was confused about the world and needed help navigating it.

In retrospect, my teenage years were confusing and often defeating for me. There were male-specific issues I needed help with that I didn’t feel comfortable discussing with my mother, so I struggled through them.

I needed fatherly encouragement, empathy, and expectations, and because I didn’t have them, I suffered in silence.

When I messed up in my teenage years, it was a dramatic blow to my confidence, and I didn’t have a man to reassure me that I wasn’t alone in making mistakes, so I felt like something was wrong with me.

After my first love broke up with me, I was depressed for months and didn’t know how to handle the disappointment.

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In contrast, when my son’s first girlfriend broke up with him, he told me, and we talked about it. I shared my breakup stories from my teenage years, and I could tell he was a bit more relieved after our conversation.

Kids don’t know what they don’t know, and as parents, it’s important that we explain to them that their uncomfortable experiences are commonplace and recoverable.

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When I struggled in high school, it felt like no one cared that I was failing, including my school. I failed the last three years of high school, which required me to take summer classes to pass to the next grade and graduate.

I didn’t walk with my class across the stage because I had given up trying by the time my senior year came. I was having trouble studying, paying attention, and possibly struggling with dyslexia (admittedly, self-diagnosed based on common symptoms).

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Worse, it seemed like no one expected any better from me. It could have been my depressive mentality at the time, but it felt like no one believed in me enough to even push me to do better.

My son had a moment in high school when he was slacking and lied to me about his performance. I’d never been angrier with him for two reasons:

1. He didn’t need to lie to me. We could have figured out his issue together.

2. I expected him to do much better because I knew he was capable of more than the results he was producing.

For a couple of weeks, I scolded him while simultaneously encouraging him to do better for himself. It was then that I explicitly told him, “You cannot turn hard work off and on!”

From that moment on, he started advocating for himself to achieve better results in his education, including imploring me to switch to homeschooling and remove him from a toxic school environment filled with uncaring teachers, frequent fights, and drug use.

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Throughout his high school years, he balanced working at Dunkin’ Donuts and doing his schoolwork. He advocated to take his GED early, studied for the test without me pushing him, and passed with flying colors.

To make that pivotal moment of accomplishing these milestones on his own even more significant, he went to bartending school and finished the program a week after receiving his GED.

I saw my son take my lessons and put them into action with confidence. There is no prouder moment than watching your child take your stories of struggle and turn them into their successes.

Last year, he moved to a different area and struggled for a couple of months to find a job, especially as a bartender. He finally found a job as a busboy, and although he was making less than he was used to, he knew it was a pathway to becoming a bartender.

As a busboy, he became Employee of the Month, and soon after, he was promoted to server. Just a few months after becoming a server, he was promoted to bartender, all because he worked hard for what he wanted and remained patient.

What’s even more impressive about his decision-making is that I never told him to do any of this. I didn’t even know he had enrolled in bartending school until after he passed because he wanted to surprise me.

When I asked him why he wanted to bartend, he said it would provide flexibility for when he attends trade school to become an electrician.

Words can’t describe how proud I am of him for learning from my struggles and becoming an even more confident and determined young man than I was.

As parents, we shouldn’t be afraid of the teenage years or minimize how impactful they are for setting our children up for the rest of their lives.

While they may become more independent, it doesn’t mean they don’t need our wisdom to prepare for navigating the world.

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For some, the only requirement to be a good father is to be capable of financially providing for their children.

But this single measurement has given rich men a free pass to act sexually recklessly without public scrutiny, because "they can afford their children."

You probably wouldn’t mock these rich men with large wallets or egos who think it’s their job to repopulate the world, because the children they’re fathering are financially secure for life.

They might have millions in their bank accounts and live lavishly, but they are functionally no different from irresponsible fathers with several children by different mothers, like those you’d see on Maury.

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We are comfortable chastising poor and working-class men with several children by different mothers because we hold them to a different standard of conduct due to their lack of resources.

It’s never about whether this man can see his children and teach them to become healthy adults through years of involvement; instead, it’s whether he can fulfill his obligation to "pay" for them.

Elon Musk is an example of a man who is brilliant in many ways but, as a father, incredibly flawed and foolish in indiscriminately creating children like a philanthropic sperm donor.

However, the most important thing a child needs can’t be bought by even the richest man in the world: Time.

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Time is the one thing we have no control over, and you can’t buy more of it.

It’s a sacrifice comparable to the love you have for your children. The less time you sacrifice for them, the more likely they’ll feel unloved.

The problem even the most well-intentioned rich man faces is that he can’t be in multiple places at once.

If he has a child in Miami and another in New York, he will always be dividing his time, risking his children’s patience and emotional well-being.

Another great example is the children of athletes with siblings scattered across the country. They might appear financially secure but often despise their fathers for choosing to be elsewhere rather than with them.

Trinity Rodman, a professional soccer player and daughter of NBA legend Dennis Rodman, recently spoke publicly about her father’s abandonment throughout her life.

Despite Dennis Rodman’s fame and wealth, Trinity’s family faced financial hardship, and he was absent from her life.

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In an interview on the Call Her Daddy podcast, Trinity explained how her father routinely used his children as props in front of cameras to appear as a devoted father. Then he disappeared for months or even years.

During his Hall of Fame induction, he said he regretted not being a better father but never tried to increase his involvement with his children.

While his daughter wishes her father cared enough to ensure they didn’t fall into financial straits, what hurts her most is Dennis Rodman’s consistent selfishness. He only showed up or called when it benefited him.

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Elon Musk is often branded a “good father” when he carries his child on his shoulders around the White House, but you don’t deserve that label if you’re only a good father to some of your children.

Vivian Wilson, Elon’s transgender child, has publicly stated they want nothing to do with Elon, even financially.

Elon often blames “the woke mind virus,” but I don’t think a single ideology causes a child to cut ties with their father.

What this tells me is that their relationship was already fractured because it’s incredibly difficult for a child to end a relationship that had a solid foundation.

Vivian’s gender identity may have been the final straw, but in their own words from an NBC News interview, “He was there, I want to say, maybe 10% of the time. That’s generous. He had half custody, and he fully was not there.”

Good fathers consider their physical involvement with their children before they’re even born.

They don’t gamble with their children’s precious time or assume they’ll forgive their absence in exchange for material goods.

Good fathers don’t reduce their role to mere economic providers to avoid accountability when they’re absent.

Their children need them to make sacrifices, or they’ll suffer from a childhood abandonment wound, questioning their own worth. Good fathers should be far more willing to part ways with their time than their money.

Just because they’re rich, doesn’t mean they’re good fathers, because father is not just a noun but also a verb.

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I knew early in our relationship that I wanted to marry my wife and spend the rest of my life with her. She's obviously beautiful, but it was her amazing character and our friendship that solidified this choice for marriage. In other words, I'd be an absolute fool to let her go.

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But when you marry someone you like, date nights aren't a chore for men: They're a pleasure. I married someone I like hanging out with & experiencing new things with.

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This was the first time we were able to travel together and it helped to solidify my intention to marry her.

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