Avoiding Confronting Your Past Will Prolong Your Suffering
Insecurity and fear are cancerous, and they will spread into every aspect of your life if you don't address it
Avoiding confronting things that are difficult only prolongs your suffering. For many of us who have painful memories, our reaction is to act avoidant instead of facing them head-on.
All of your decisions in life suddenly become rooted in distracting yourself from ever encountering anything remotely close to what scares you from your past.
You convince yourself that you're not strong enough to envision these moments again, so you do everything possible to not think about them.
In extreme circumstances, the pain appears to be so severe that you turn to ever increasingly harmful substances to distance yourself from what you fear from years ago.
These people are just as addicted to alcohol or drugs as they are addicted to avoidance.
And these issues that you may refuse to face don't just stop as memories. Instead, those memories become seeds planted that spread into every aspect of your life.
The more traumatic the event, the more hyper-vigilant, paranoid, or insecure you might become. Because you've never resolved that issue, it becomes habitual to the point of you believing acting irrational is a personality trait instead of a sign of untreated wounds.
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It's like having a hairline fractured leg and thinking that walking with a limp is uniquely your walking style. No matter how painful every step is, you've accepted that walking includes a bit of suffering.
I've had points in my life where I've stuffed uncomfortable memories so deep away that I've forgotten about them until someone brings them up.
One particular time, my sister reminded me in a phone conversation about when I was in a mental hospital, and I had a rush of emotions and tears as all of the most uncomfortable memories came to the surface like a sunken ship attached to a massive flotation device in the ocean.
What I've learned is that operating based on fear and choosing to avoid uncomfortable memories only prolongs your suffering.
What makes you stronger is what you face head-on, and no matter how far you run from them, they're always attached to you and leeching off of your progress.
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It's like a cement block chained to your ankle: Although you feel you've mastered walking with it anchored to you, you could go so much farther when you finally acknowledge that it's holding you back.
Looking at my problems dead in the eyes has only made me a stronger, healthier, and happier individual. Years of anxiety worrying about things that aren't that big of a deal or never happened only made me more reclusive.
Today, I have a general philosophy that I refuse to make decisions based on fear. I accept that sometimes things don't work out in your favor, but many times they do. But one thing that is clear: Saying "no" to everything because you're scared will only hinder your progress.
The only reason I'm able to talk about some of the most painful memories of my childhood and share them with the world is because I'm no longer afraid of them. They're not a point of shame for me; actually, I see them as an area of strength.
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Despite everything I endured, I'm still here today and thriving. My inner dialogue states that if I can survive those moments, I can handle anything that comes my way. Not every painful experience is purposeless; it's all perspective.
I've chosen to use my flaws to help others avoid going down the downtrodden path I had. My mistakes are even life lessons for my son so he can make better decisions, which to me seems like a worthy sacrifice.
Whether it's your fear of rejection because you were rejected earlier in your life or a fear of the unknown because something or someone new in your life harmed you, those feelings will only spread if you don't address them.
Insecurity and fear are cancerous, and they will spread into every aspect of your life if you don't address it. You can pretend you're not sick all you want, but it won't change how your health is deteriorating.
Very well thought and said, thank you.