Parents: Don't Be Afraid Of The Teenage Years

While they may become more independent, it doesn’t mean they don’t need our wisdom to prepare for navigating the world

When my son was born, I felt unusual because I was looking forward to his teenage years. Typically, parents are infatuated with the toddler years and want them to last as long as possible; not me.

Growing up without my father, I couldn’t wait to give my son the advice my father never gave me. I was excited to be there for him when he was confused about the world and needed help navigating it.

In retrospect, my teenage years were confusing and often defeating for me. There were male-specific issues I needed help with that I didn’t feel comfortable discussing with my mother, so I struggled through them.

I needed fatherly encouragement, empathy, and expectations, and because I didn’t have them, I suffered in silence.

When I messed up in my teenage years, it was a dramatic blow to my confidence, and I didn’t have a man to reassure me that I wasn’t alone in making mistakes, so I felt like something was wrong with me.

After my first love broke up with me, I was depressed for months and didn’t know how to handle the disappointment.

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In contrast, when my son’s first girlfriend broke up with him, he told me, and we talked about it. I shared my breakup stories from my teenage years, and I could tell he was a bit more relieved after our conversation.

Kids don’t know what they don’t know, and as parents, it’s important that we explain to them that their uncomfortable experiences are commonplace and recoverable.

When I struggled in high school, it felt like no one cared that I was failing, including my school. I failed the last three years of high school, which required me to take summer classes to pass to the next grade and graduate.

I didn’t walk with my class across the stage because I had given up trying by the time my senior year came. I was having trouble studying, paying attention, and possibly struggling with dyslexia (admittedly, self-diagnosed based on common symptoms).

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Worse, it seemed like no one expected any better from me. It could have been my depressive mentality at the time, but it felt like no one believed in me enough to even push me to do better.

My son had a moment in high school when he was slacking and lied to me about his performance. I’d never been angrier with him for two reasons:

1. He didn’t need to lie to me. We could have figured out his issue together.

2. I expected him to do much better because I knew he was capable of more than the results he was producing.

For a couple of weeks, I scolded him while simultaneously encouraging him to do better for himself. It was then that I explicitly told him, “You cannot turn hard work off and on!”

From that moment on, he started advocating for himself to achieve better results in his education, including imploring me to switch to homeschooling and remove him from a toxic school environment filled with uncaring teachers, frequent fights, and drug use.

Throughout his high school years, he balanced working at Dunkin’ Donuts and doing his schoolwork. He advocated to take his GED early, studied for the test without me pushing him, and passed with flying colors.

To make that pivotal moment of accomplishing these milestones on his own even more significant, he went to bartending school and finished the program a week after receiving his GED.

I saw my son take my lessons and put them into action with confidence. There is no prouder moment than watching your child take your stories of struggle and turn them into their successes.

Last year, he moved to a different area and struggled for a couple of months to find a job, especially as a bartender. He finally found a job as a busboy, and although he was making less than he was used to, he knew it was a pathway to becoming a bartender.

As a busboy, he became Employee of the Month, and soon after, he was promoted to server. Just a few months after becoming a server, he was promoted to bartender, all because he worked hard for what he wanted and remained patient.

What’s even more impressive about his decision-making is that I never told him to do any of this. I didn’t even know he had enrolled in bartending school until after he passed because he wanted to surprise me.

When I asked him why he wanted to bartend, he said it would provide flexibility for when he attends trade school to become an electrician.

Words can’t describe how proud I am of him for learning from my struggles and becoming an even more confident and determined young man than I was.

As parents, we shouldn’t be afraid of the teenage years or minimize how impactful they are for setting our children up for the rest of their lives.

While they may become more independent, it doesn’t mean they don’t need our wisdom to prepare for navigating the world.