This Anniversary, My Wife Doesn't Know Where We Are Going

My wife stepping back and allowing me to choose our destinations is an exercise in her trust in me and her willingness to release her grip on control

Every year since our honeymoon in September 2021, my wife and I have traveled internationally for two weeks to reconnect and celebrate our love.

It’s a tradition that has taken us to six countries so far, but this year, she doesn’t know where we’re going: it’s a complete surprise.

Earlier this year, when we were searching for possible locations to visit, the idea crossed my mind to plan our entire itinerary and make this trip a one-of-a-kind surprise.

Before we started our relationship, I used to solo travel and book everything myself, so the concept of taking control over where we would go wasn’t far-fetched.

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For her to relinquish control over this travel project and entrust it to me was simultaneously exciting and a bit terrifying.

She’s someone who wants to be in control of things, even when she has no control over them. This is driven by a fear of the unknown or uncertainty about how to respond to an unforeseen predicament.

I completely understand where she’s coming from, as I spent most of my life dealing with various levels of social anxiety, worrying about the worst possible outcomes and feeling paranoid about being ill-prepared for impending doom.

However, I haven’t felt that way in a long time after years of working on this personal flaw. While my wife has made progress in managing her need for control, it occasionally resurfaces, but she’s not alone in battling it; we tackle it together.

While most people who hear about this trip love the idea of a man taking charge and surprising his wife, I see it as an opportunity for growth in our relationship.

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My wife stepping back and allowing me to choose our destinations is an exercise in her trust in me and her willingness to release her grip on control.

I take none of this for granted. Many people throw around the word “love,” but we can still love people we don’t fully like or trust. My wife’s demonstration of complete trust in me and my leadership, combined with my commitment to following through, has only strengthened our bond.

As far as my wife knows, we are visiting three cities and a beach somewhere in Europe. I’ve given her estimated temperatures so she can pack appropriately and asked her what kind of beach environment she prefers, showing that I care about her comfort in a foreign land.

It’s been months since we booked our travels, and neither of us has wavered. The bit of fear she felt at the beginning vanished long ago and has been replaced with exuberance.

She’s excited to discover each destination on the day of travel, turning the entire two weeks into a constant mystery with reveals every few days.

While I’m looking forward to exploring and relaxing, I’m equally excited to see my wife’s smile when she learns about her next destination.