Being Rich Doesn't Make Them Good Fathers
Good fathers should be far more willing to part ways with their time than their money
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For some, the only requirement to be a good father is to be capable of financially providing for their children.
But this single measurement has given rich men a free pass to act sexually recklessly without public scrutiny, because "they can afford their children."
You probably wouldn’t mock these rich men with large wallets or egos who think it’s their job to repopulate the world, because the children they’re fathering are financially secure for life.
They might have millions in their bank accounts and live lavishly, but they are functionally no different from irresponsible fathers with several children by different mothers, like those you’d see on Maury.
We are comfortable chastising poor and working-class men with several children by different mothers because we hold them to a different standard of conduct due to their lack of resources.
It’s never about whether this man can see his children and teach them to become healthy adults through years of involvement; instead, it’s whether he can fulfill his obligation to "pay" for them.
Elon Musk is an example of a man who is brilliant in many ways but, as a father, incredibly flawed and foolish in indiscriminately creating children like a philanthropic sperm donor.
However, the most important thing a child needs can’t be bought by even the richest man in the world: Time.
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Time is the one thing we have no control over, and you can’t buy more of it.
It’s a sacrifice comparable to the love you have for your children. The less time you sacrifice for them, the more likely they’ll feel unloved.
The problem even the most well-intentioned rich man faces is that he can’t be in multiple places at once.
If he has a child in Miami and another in New York, he will always be dividing his time, risking his children’s patience and emotional well-being.
Another great example is the children of athletes with siblings scattered across the country. They might appear financially secure but often despise their fathers for choosing to be elsewhere rather than with them.
Trinity Rodman, a professional soccer player and daughter of NBA legend Dennis Rodman, recently spoke publicly about her father’s abandonment throughout her life.
Despite Dennis Rodman’s fame and wealth, Trinity’s family faced financial hardship, and he was absent from her life.
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In an interview on the Call Her Daddy podcast, Trinity explained how her father routinely used his children as props in front of cameras to appear as a devoted father. Then he disappeared for months or even years.
During his Hall of Fame induction, he said he regretted not being a better father but never tried to increase his involvement with his children.
While his daughter wishes her father cared enough to ensure they didn’t fall into financial straits, what hurts her most is Dennis Rodman’s consistent selfishness. He only showed up or called when it benefited him.
Elon Musk is often branded a “good father” when he carries his child on his shoulders around the White House, but you don’t deserve that label if you’re only a good father to some of your children.
Vivian Wilson, Elon’s transgender child, has publicly stated they want nothing to do with Elon, even financially.
Elon often blames “the woke mind virus,” but I don’t think a single ideology causes a child to cut ties with their father.
What this tells me is that their relationship was already fractured because it’s incredibly difficult for a child to end a relationship that had a solid foundation.
Vivian’s gender identity may have been the final straw, but in their own words from an NBC News interview, “He was there, I want to say, maybe 10% of the time. That’s generous. He had half custody, and he fully was not there.”
Good fathers consider their physical involvement with their children before they’re even born.
They don’t gamble with their children’s precious time or assume they’ll forgive their absence in exchange for material goods.
Good fathers don’t reduce their role to mere economic providers to avoid accountability when they’re absent.
Their children need them to make sacrifices, or they’ll suffer from a childhood abandonment wound, questioning their own worth. Good fathers should be far more willing to part ways with their time than their money.
Just because they’re rich, doesn’t mean they’re good fathers, because father is not just a noun but also a verb.
Exponential upvotes, Adam! Although my parents were married and my father was generally considered a good provider, as a young child I mostly saw him at the dinner table Mondays-Fridays. On Saturdays he usually did things like yardwork (which I could help with by fourth grade, but not much as a physically smaller child), and on Sundays the entire family went to church, but the times I spent 1:1 with my father stand out in my memory, sometimes because they were fun, but mostly because they were so very infrequent. While it's true that he worked hard at his paying job, he also was involved in community organizations and, according to my mother, was often absent during the early years of his children's lives.
When I was preschool age, it was not uncommon for girls to own sets of "wedding" paper dolls. My sister and I had one that came with two brides and two grooms and everyday as well as wedding clothing; when we played with them, we would first dress the grooms, then place them in the paper-doll box, saying "Go to the office." Play imitates life!
In my 30s, one of the men I worked for at my job reminded me a lot of my own father: he had two young sons, but in addition to his well-paying professional career, he also did consulting work on the side and sometimes lamented that he missed out on a lot of his children's lives. I sometimes wanted to tell him, "I had a father a lot like you. . .your children would rather spend more time with you than have a little more money!" Because we were on "office friendly" terms and I didn't want to ruin a good work relationship, I never did.
I was not close at all to my father until my early 20s.
It’s difficult to consider time when one is young. When looking forward in life as a young man, time spreads ahead of you and seems almost endless. To the extent that most people give it any thought, it seems that the common thread is that there will always be time for everything. Of course this isn’t true but sadly most people don’t gain that important perspective until later in life. By that time it’s too late because by then the children are no longer children.
An important message to all parents Adam, perhaps especially fathers. Thank you for putting it out there. It’s a message you should keep coming back to, along with encouragement to fathers to not just be there, but find ways to be involved in your children’s lives. Well done.