Last night I had a conversation with de-transitioner Chloe Cole and we shared something in common: The experts failed us as children. For me, the experts told my mother to send me to a mental institution for 3 months at the age of 6.Speaking Wrong At The Right Time is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Makes me want to cry for both you and your mother. The "experts" have failed so egregiously. Same with Chloe's situation. When the experts say "do this or your child will die", they give no option for parents who are scared and don't know what the other options are.
Wow. Just wow. It seems to me that, in a quest for "answers" we have--in far too many cases--opted to use the proxy of "the expert's opinion" when we should just admit to not being sure and riding it out. Being of a certain age, I can remember Flip Wilson's comedy sketch, where he would exclaim, "The Devil made me do it!" This always brought a hearty laugh, because everyone KNEW that was B.S. Yet now, and The Great Covid Debacle (TGCD) is but one pertinent example, we can exclaim, with equal glee, but none of the derision, "the experts made me do it" and enjoy a get out of jail free card. Both of you experienced horrific examples of this folly. Your parents didn't know what to do. Their error, maybe even their only real error, was thinking the experts did. What troubles me even more, is that now, even in the aftermath of TGCD, experts still hold far too much sway and experience far too few consequences when their recommendations are found to be FOS. (Of course, this applies to politicians and bureaucrats, as well!)
I think that a generation from now, there will be an army of young adults demanding to know why adults failed to protect them: from gender affirmation, shoddy therapy, social media, maybe other things too. I wonder how we will explain ourselves.
Wow Adam, finally got to this. It was excellent. Very heartfelt and revealing. I appreciate your openness and honesty. I also like your beautiful and kind treatment of the transgender issue that seems to be overwhelming us today. You discussed Chloe's situation in a kind, loving and genuine manner which is difficult with such a political hot potato. I think you did so because at the root of every political hot potato are people whose lives are effected by something and probably because of your own experiences you were able to treat Chloe's situation with respectful gentle kindness because political rancor never build bridges or understanding. Thank you for sharing it with us in such a constructive, positive manner. Bravo.
Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it. I'm very empathetic to her situation and for other children who are also confused.
This episode of Breaking Bread is probably the best one that I've filmed. It's very personal and intimate. I think it will really come through when people watch it. It's a number of weeks away from coming out but I can't wait for it to be released.
So many experts for children fail them all the time, I have lived to tell that tale. I have learned that most things for kids are really for adults who can't cut it in the real world, and need something to do for other adults who want somewhere to leave their kids so they can do whatever they do. I am relieved you both have found your way but I hope we keep hearing these stories. Often things for kids, whatever they are often have children as their last priority, if they are priority at all.
I had to stop reading several times and just ponder. There was just too much to unpack to keep reading. I feel for both sets of parents, because they were scared, and sometimes when we are scared we don’t think logically, and we don’t listen to that inner voice. I thought back to the years I resisted letting my youngest take ADHD meds or antidepressants, which she insisted she needed at the age of about 12-15. About where she might be now if we had gone down a medication path to sorting what ailed her. But mostly I thought about you. Having had 5 kids who were once 6, my heart just breaks reading this. I so remember the vulnerability of my son at that age. It’s such a pivotal age, as I believe it’s called the age of reason. I imagine you in that place, and realizing that you could not lose it emotionally, or you’d be trapped there for who knows how long. At an age where you should be able to have a complete meltdown without anyone psychoanalyzing it as something more than just an overload of emotions of a 6 year old. I’m familiar with Chloe’s story from her side of it. And I completely see the tie in to what you experienced; a complete failure by “the experts” who as we have come to find out in the last 5 years are really not experts at all, but just ordinary fallen people, some of whom have become bloated with power. Thank you for sharing such a deeply sad part of your young life. It brought me to tears as well. When someone shares painful parts of life with me, I immediately feel closer to them because they trusted me with their pain. Thank you, Adam, for a very powerful message.
I agree. Thank you Adam and Chloe for reliving your trauma for our mutual benefit. Because of this, you sacrifice yourselves, yes, but with Purpose, each time you speak. We hear you. I believe that is why it ultimately uplifts and hopefully heals you as well us, you have connected with more of humanity as you originally needed…and teach us in the process.
We've reached the point now where I am now "triggered" by the word "expert." By that I mean, as Jim said before me, I think "idiots" when I hear that word.
Our society’s failings in this area are now stretching into a third generation, but from the standpoint of my own family, trauma is not only modern. I’m hashing out a cogent integration of the need to acknowledge hurts, sins, and wrongs on the one hand, with the need or perhaps the necessity of lifting the chin, compensating for or getting beyond the yuck, and going on with life and making the world a better place for what God is doing through me. Thank you, Colemans and Coles, for furthering the conversation toward resolution.
thats wild about your moms . the field of psychology i theorize is not at all about mental health. i believe its about aligning children and adults with the current social narrative . it does not suit marriages for men to go there for counseling and i believe in the grand scheme it does not serve men at all to see a psychologist in general. the field is not suited for the needs of masculine men or people trying to actually strive to get over the hump with their own self determination
Parents need support. Good affirming support. Being there for the kids is one of the most important things anyone can do. But it’s not easy. It’s often not regarded as important. But it’s so important. We can do so much for ourselves if we are guided to the point of maturity. But only parents (a few others) can make that difference in a child’s life and there’s a definite window to make that difference.
In my experience, parents need support to follow their own intuition, they need confidence in very trying situations where they look like failures to continue with what their heart tells them is right. Too often, outsiders pressure parents to ignore their best selves and the situation is so desperate that parents feel no option but to comply.
The State useful Idiots,we give wayyyyyy too much power to. OUR TWISTED SYSTEM PATH TO PROFIT ABOVE ALL HAS DECIMATED US. NUTRIENT RICH BLACK SOIL IS NOW POISON . FALLOW FIELDS TOXINS & LIES BECOME STANDARD. No one should trust any profiting enterprise easily. Some services cant be successful if profit driven. (Beholden to stock holders & greed isnt a sustainable model for all human endeavors) there needs to be a paradigm shift in values truth enlightenment & integrity Especially todays medical professions anointed “authorities“. University experts? Imho if you have a degree aquired in the last 25 yrs maybe longer your severally indoctrinated & your critical thinking is suspect The evidence of the West’s overwhelming failures ,deceptions coupled w/ incredible arrogance & the systemic mission of promoting failure has profound Morbid NEGATIVE consequences at every turn imho, every breath we take cradle to grave is fraught with malevolent influence now more than wvr. manipulation & interference in all aspects of our person & psyche in this present iteration of power “government” & wealthiest elites paying to own & shspe the culture for their personal gain only. we call society OURS ( ie ownership) democratic (justice ) & free( autonomous)
their chosen promoted version of a “reality” its fantasy. Its Actually a twisted profit driven agenda. We zombie along due to the countless effects fields at miseducation. Basic tennits of common sense srent handed down or valued, like 1st do no harm. Giving proper respect to decades of human experience . Do not throw the baby out w/ the bath water? No logic just puppets rewarded for serving political agends punished for using critical thought. I pray the harsh reality poking holes in everyday existence gets us to standcthe F up in solidarity against this abomination we have let fester
Makes me want to cry for both you and your mother. The "experts" have failed so egregiously. Same with Chloe's situation. When the experts say "do this or your child will die", they give no option for parents who are scared and don't know what the other options are.
Thank you.
Thank you for speaking up! As difficult as it is for both of you, without your voices this fight would be much, much longer.
It's my pleasure
Wow. Just wow. It seems to me that, in a quest for "answers" we have--in far too many cases--opted to use the proxy of "the expert's opinion" when we should just admit to not being sure and riding it out. Being of a certain age, I can remember Flip Wilson's comedy sketch, where he would exclaim, "The Devil made me do it!" This always brought a hearty laugh, because everyone KNEW that was B.S. Yet now, and The Great Covid Debacle (TGCD) is but one pertinent example, we can exclaim, with equal glee, but none of the derision, "the experts made me do it" and enjoy a get out of jail free card. Both of you experienced horrific examples of this folly. Your parents didn't know what to do. Their error, maybe even their only real error, was thinking the experts did. What troubles me even more, is that now, even in the aftermath of TGCD, experts still hold far too much sway and experience far too few consequences when their recommendations are found to be FOS. (Of course, this applies to politicians and bureaucrats, as well!)
I think that a generation from now, there will be an army of young adults demanding to know why adults failed to protect them: from gender affirmation, shoddy therapy, social media, maybe other things too. I wonder how we will explain ourselves.
Damn...I wish I knew how we would be able to...
Wow Adam, finally got to this. It was excellent. Very heartfelt and revealing. I appreciate your openness and honesty. I also like your beautiful and kind treatment of the transgender issue that seems to be overwhelming us today. You discussed Chloe's situation in a kind, loving and genuine manner which is difficult with such a political hot potato. I think you did so because at the root of every political hot potato are people whose lives are effected by something and probably because of your own experiences you were able to treat Chloe's situation with respectful gentle kindness because political rancor never build bridges or understanding. Thank you for sharing it with us in such a constructive, positive manner. Bravo.
Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it. I'm very empathetic to her situation and for other children who are also confused.
This episode of Breaking Bread is probably the best one that I've filmed. It's very personal and intimate. I think it will really come through when people watch it. It's a number of weeks away from coming out but I can't wait for it to be released.
Wow, what a heartbreaking story Adam. Thank you for sharing, and I hope that doing so brings you some comfort.
Thank you. I appreciate you.
So many experts for children fail them all the time, I have lived to tell that tale. I have learned that most things for kids are really for adults who can't cut it in the real world, and need something to do for other adults who want somewhere to leave their kids so they can do whatever they do. I am relieved you both have found your way but I hope we keep hearing these stories. Often things for kids, whatever they are often have children as their last priority, if they are priority at all.
I had to stop reading several times and just ponder. There was just too much to unpack to keep reading. I feel for both sets of parents, because they were scared, and sometimes when we are scared we don’t think logically, and we don’t listen to that inner voice. I thought back to the years I resisted letting my youngest take ADHD meds or antidepressants, which she insisted she needed at the age of about 12-15. About where she might be now if we had gone down a medication path to sorting what ailed her. But mostly I thought about you. Having had 5 kids who were once 6, my heart just breaks reading this. I so remember the vulnerability of my son at that age. It’s such a pivotal age, as I believe it’s called the age of reason. I imagine you in that place, and realizing that you could not lose it emotionally, or you’d be trapped there for who knows how long. At an age where you should be able to have a complete meltdown without anyone psychoanalyzing it as something more than just an overload of emotions of a 6 year old. I’m familiar with Chloe’s story from her side of it. And I completely see the tie in to what you experienced; a complete failure by “the experts” who as we have come to find out in the last 5 years are really not experts at all, but just ordinary fallen people, some of whom have become bloated with power. Thank you for sharing such a deeply sad part of your young life. It brought me to tears as well. When someone shares painful parts of life with me, I immediately feel closer to them because they trusted me with their pain. Thank you, Adam, for a very powerful message.
I agree. Thank you Adam and Chloe for reliving your trauma for our mutual benefit. Because of this, you sacrifice yourselves, yes, but with Purpose, each time you speak. We hear you. I believe that is why it ultimately uplifts and hopefully heals you as well us, you have connected with more of humanity as you originally needed…and teach us in the process.
The "experts" were, are, and will always be idiots...
the bureaucratic kind
We've reached the point now where I am now "triggered" by the word "expert." By that I mean, as Jim said before me, I think "idiots" when I hear that word.
I also cynically see expert appearances in Media as a desperate attempt by Media to appeal to authority because Media have lost theirs.
Your courage to speak out is such an inspiration. It is voices like yours that raise awareness to enable change.
Our society’s failings in this area are now stretching into a third generation, but from the standpoint of my own family, trauma is not only modern. I’m hashing out a cogent integration of the need to acknowledge hurts, sins, and wrongs on the one hand, with the need or perhaps the necessity of lifting the chin, compensating for or getting beyond the yuck, and going on with life and making the world a better place for what God is doing through me. Thank you, Colemans and Coles, for furthering the conversation toward resolution.
thats wild about your moms . the field of psychology i theorize is not at all about mental health. i believe its about aligning children and adults with the current social narrative . it does not suit marriages for men to go there for counseling and i believe in the grand scheme it does not serve men at all to see a psychologist in general. the field is not suited for the needs of masculine men or people trying to actually strive to get over the hump with their own self determination
Parents need support. Good affirming support. Being there for the kids is one of the most important things anyone can do. But it’s not easy. It’s often not regarded as important. But it’s so important. We can do so much for ourselves if we are guided to the point of maturity. But only parents (a few others) can make that difference in a child’s life and there’s a definite window to make that difference.
In my experience, parents need support to follow their own intuition, they need confidence in very trying situations where they look like failures to continue with what their heart tells them is right. Too often, outsiders pressure parents to ignore their best selves and the situation is so desperate that parents feel no option but to comply.
The State useful Idiots,we give wayyyyyy too much power to. OUR TWISTED SYSTEM PATH TO PROFIT ABOVE ALL HAS DECIMATED US. NUTRIENT RICH BLACK SOIL IS NOW POISON . FALLOW FIELDS TOXINS & LIES BECOME STANDARD. No one should trust any profiting enterprise easily. Some services cant be successful if profit driven. (Beholden to stock holders & greed isnt a sustainable model for all human endeavors) there needs to be a paradigm shift in values truth enlightenment & integrity Especially todays medical professions anointed “authorities“. University experts? Imho if you have a degree aquired in the last 25 yrs maybe longer your severally indoctrinated & your critical thinking is suspect The evidence of the West’s overwhelming failures ,deceptions coupled w/ incredible arrogance & the systemic mission of promoting failure has profound Morbid NEGATIVE consequences at every turn imho, every breath we take cradle to grave is fraught with malevolent influence now more than wvr. manipulation & interference in all aspects of our person & psyche in this present iteration of power “government” & wealthiest elites paying to own & shspe the culture for their personal gain only. we call society OURS ( ie ownership) democratic (justice ) & free( autonomous)
their chosen promoted version of a “reality” its fantasy. Its Actually a twisted profit driven agenda. We zombie along due to the countless effects fields at miseducation. Basic tennits of common sense srent handed down or valued, like 1st do no harm. Giving proper respect to decades of human experience . Do not throw the baby out w/ the bath water? No logic just puppets rewarded for serving political agends punished for using critical thought. I pray the harsh reality poking holes in everyday existence gets us to standcthe F up in solidarity against this abomination we have let fester