It's Time To Fix Your Broken Family Relationships
That person you cut off from your life might be gone tomorrow, and you won’t have a chance to resolve your differences.
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Despite being abandoned by my father as a child, if he were still alive, I would be open to starting a new relationship with him.
The last time I spoke to him, I was 21 years old and a new father. I wanted to tell him about his grandson, but he didn’t seem interested in talking to me.
I told myself that I wouldn’t attempt to call him anymore, but I would never ignore his calls if he tried to reach me. Unfortunately, he never did.
As I’ve gotten older—and especially watching my son become an adult—I’ve thought a lot about mortality and the fragility of life. I often reflect on my mistakes as a young adult and my ambivalence toward my parents because I hadn’t yet learned to forgive.
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When you’re a child, you think adults have it all together, and you expect them to be more than they really are. That one time they screwed up sticks out in your head more than the hundreds of times they sacrificed for you.
I’ve tried to be the best father I possibly can be, but I’m sure there were a time or two when I unintentionally let my son down.
In an era where everyone thinks they’re always right yet holds higher expectations of behavior for others than they themselves can live up to, we are severely lacking in the area of giving grace and leaning on forgiveness.
Instead, we tell people who are having relationship issues to excommunicate others forever, but running from your problems doesn’t resolve them.
There are valid times to go no-contact with someone in your life, but the number of times I’ve heard poor reasoning for disconnecting completely from parents is shocking to me.
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Social media is rife with terrible advice, encouraging people to see a single flaw in someone they love as enough reason to shut them out of their life.
I’m speaking from experience when I say this: You can’t resolve a relationship while simultaneously running from it. The only way to fix a fractured relationship is to confront it head-on with love and honesty.
And if the person you’re having issues with isn’t hearing you, then you should give them the grace of patience until they lower their guard enough to receive your message.
Recently, I was talking to a father who has been struggling to have a relationship with his children for years since his divorce. Every time he tries to get close to them, they push him away.
Just as much as it hurts children to be rejected, it hurts parents when they’re pushed away too. What I explained to him was that he should never give up and that he needs to be 100% accountable for his actions.
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From a parent’s perspective, you might have a hard time understanding why they’re angry with you, and their reasoning might not make sense from your point of view. Parents can often get stuck in the mud of factual differences compared to their children’s emotional interpretations.
If you’re in this situation and falling into the trap of debating their emotions, step away from it. It’s a losing battle to engage in this type of back-and-forth because, from the child’s perspective, it comes off as you disregarding their feelings.
Is the point to be right or to re-establish a relationship? I’ll never tell someone to take ownership of something they didn’t do, but you can acknowledge their emotions and how they’re feeling.
Everyone wants to be accepted, and if you’re a child who feels rejected, the last thing you want is to experience the rejection of your emotional interpretations.
If you’re a parent striving to re-establish a relationship with your child, my suggestion is that you don’t give up on them. Work on their timeline and understand that if they’re rejecting your attempts, they just want you to feel the hurt they’re experiencing.
However, I believe that repeated attempts of love will eventually break down that hardened wall. Acknowledge their pain, apologize for what you did or what you could have done better as a parent, and give them time to absorb your efforts.
The reason I would give my father an opportunity to be in my life is that I understand we are all flawed, and many of us live with regrets—I know I do.
The way my life has turned out, I’ve come to understand the importance of giving others grace for their shortcomings and embracing forgiveness. I don’t harbor any anger toward my father because I can’t fix the past, and he’s no longer alive to potentially mend our broken relationship.
I forgave my father years ago because being angry at him never helped me grow as a man. I would give anything to have a chance to really get to know him, and it saddens me when I see people believing that tomorrow is guaranteed.
That person you cut off from your life might be gone tomorrow, and you won’t have a chance to resolve your differences. Personally, I wouldn’t want to carry that on my conscience, knowing I was too scared or resentful to fix a relationship with someone I loved.
Giving people grace is a blessing. It’s about time we bless the world.
What a beautiful, beautiful message. We cannot heal the world until we heal ourselves. It heals one person at a time.
Wisdom.