Outrageous behavior is for everyone's entertainment but what if we're only reacting to the result of someone who was sexually abused as a child? In this episode of the Whatever podcast, the shock factor of her hyper-sexual behavior is overshadowing a possible darker story.
Reading this after excerpts from Rob Henderson's new memoir, Troubled, about his harsh childhood in foster care, and it's fascinating to compare. Abused and neglected boys are "troubled", but sexually abused girls are "damaged," a permanent condition. The details of the backstory are hard for good people to hear, too salacious. For others, those seductive Lolitas deserved what they got. In any case, they can never be high value wifey material and are of no use to respectable society. In many cultures they're ostracized or murdered by relatives. Survivors often have no choice except to become prostitutes. Even here, compassion and hope for a dignified life are rarely granted to the damaged. They're just sluts. This kind of "entertainment" is nothing more than a cruel freak show.
Yes, absolutely agree. Boys are definitely vulnerable to sexual abuse too, but since their social value isn't as dependent on virginity and marriageability, the damage is different. Not any easier necessarily, but different. An intact hymen has been a girl's most valuable social commodity for most of history, and once a girl is "ruined" there's no going back. The famous double standard is still alive and well, for biological as well as cultural reasons. I'm not against all pornography, it's inevitable so no point, but I think normalizing violent and degrading porn has been much more harmful to society than we even yet realize.
It’s 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys, although this is the only form of abuse that girls are more likely to receive than boys but the gap between boys and girls in physical abuse victimization, as well as all other forms of abuse other than sexual, is much greater.
It’s really sad.
The odds of a boy experiencing physical abuse skyrocket in a single mother home, biodads are considerably less likely than stepdads or moms boyfriend.
My personal story has so many similar elements. I was verbally and emotionally abused all of my life ... the moment I had my freedom, I exploded and sex became my drug of choice. I was easily co-opted into Marxian Feminism and, in no time, activism became addiction. But for God's grace, I should have been a statistic. Thank you for sharing.
I'm sorry you went through this but I'm glad you eventually found God's love.
I've said before how that form of feminism captures women who were abused and channels their anger toward all men instead of the men who violated them.
The crowning achievement, as Kate Millet said, was to become the "whore next door." The more marriages you ruined and the more you rendered yourself non-marriage material, the higher and holier you became. It's pure poison. When you finally succomb to its effects, you are left alone for the dogs. No longer useful to or functional for the mission, you simply need to disappear. They eat their own and spit out the bones.
But .... feminism is now dead and the 2nd wavers are transphobic ... the transgender patriarchy is here. Let's see how that works for everyone. #tragic
I was somewhat captured by feminism at one point. Funny thing is the underlying beliefs that captured me came from my mother-it’s dangerous to be good at anything especially better than her. It was easier to project that my fear of standing out etc was because of the “patriarchy” than look at the truth.
Thank you for sharing this. Many of us were attracted to feminism for similar reasons. It gave us a cover for a fuller expression of what we thought we were supposed to be, than an honest caring understanding of who we actually are - and why that is beyond brilliant. I don't think all of the feminists were trying to break with all tradition, but enough of them were that it ruined the whole movement.
That’s why I was a feminist and I liked hearing stories from all different types of women about their experiences. I soured after I read a book called “Backlash”. The author’s premise was there had been a backlash against feminism and one of her arguments was the book Iron John was horribly anti-woman. I believed her and when a guy I was seeing told me how much he had loved Iron John, I thought him an idiot and got the book to find out how horrible he was. BUT I loved Iron John and did not find anything anti-woman in it- actually the opposite. It was a lesson in not believing the “narrative” without checking out for myself.
No matter who we are, what political beliefs who hold, or what we say, the truth is what the truth it. And, feminism, simply put, is a lie. Women and men are not the same - they are equal in value, but different in role and function. This is by design, so when we fight it, we become crazy people. When we go with it, we find peace and joy. I'm just grateful I'm no longer a raging bitch. lol
P.S. Just ordered Backlash - haven't read that one! It' was a $1.50 on Amazon ... :-)
This reminded me of a recent publication on the child sex abuse in Australia. Disturbing but not surprising. Most CSA before age 16 was at the hands of a parent or relative with girls being a higher prevalence.
Yes, that's a sign of abuse. I was just watching a sexual abuse healing course and one of the participants explained that her father was out of the picture and her mother's boyfriend turned porn on in front of her at a young age. He then would watch her watching the porn from the corner of the room (in the shadows). She became addicted to porn, so much that she now had to watch it to get off because it became a part of her understanding of sexuality. Children are not supposed to be thinking about sex at that young age and it warps them. And, that guy ended up raping her over and over. He was grooming her. We have a lot of groomers out there.
It's sick that signs of sexual abuse are being used for clicks or to claim today's women are "awful." They're abused. We show signs of abuse. It would be nice if people would try to understand how someone came to be in this position.... but, in a way, them gathering round to talk about her hypersexuality publicly in this way is another way to perpetuate the abuse.
That story you just described is disturbing and doesn't surprise me. Predators find a way to get close to their prey and they use single mothers to do so.
I'm reminded of the commands in the bible to take care of widows. Women raising children by themselves have it hard. I know my mother worked two jobs at one point and it's just gotten more difficult since I was a child. Single mothers can definitely look like a good situation to a predator.
Thank you, Adam, for writing this much-needed article. These types of entertainment shows are beyond my understanding. These young women desperately need guidance and deserve to be treated with compassion and never ridicule. I have nothing but contempt for those who choose to take advantage of women in this situation.
Someone close to me is repeatedly traumatized just by her acute awareness of the extent of sexual abuse. Maybe all of us should be, so we could start actually doing something about it 😞
Thank you for sharing. I watched a video of some experts on CHD who explained that when children get exposed to pornography before they can comprehend it, it swirls in their brains over and over trying to make sense of what they can’t understand and can actually change their brains. Quite often the child will engage in acting out what they see trying to make sense of something they are way too young to comprehend. Something groomers know all too well.
I want to know more about the Dad, when she last saw him, was she kept from him by alcoholic unaccountable Mom, the Mom seems wretched but I'm willing to bet one of two things that Mom didn't know who Dad was and had a string of losers that supports your hypothesis or she possibly was kept from her Dad by her Moms trashy ass who may have weaponized courts and such the way imo groomer Alan Kassenoff did to his wife. Just a theory but the fact those bullies even call themselves Christians and didn't have the Holy Spirit tell them in some way shape or form to go and sin no more so to speak is curious. It's a disgusting thing what all of them are doing for likes that's for sure.
I'm really impressed on how you have been able to center your argument around such an important and alarming topic, instead of going all out against this awful podcast. It makes me wound up so much that I wouldn't be able to focus in anything else having the thumbnail of the episode in the background or being inspired by it.
Your closing is also very significant and I totally agree with, children but also teenagers are less and less supervised by constantly busy parents or by parents that are either partially or totally absent. And, these very children are the most vulnerable in a society full of inhuman predators.
Thank you. I've learned that once you bring someone's name or company into the mix, people move away from the point you're making and start claiming it's an attack on those people. I'm diligent in that way. I often avoid using names for this reason.
unprotected and being victimized by predators more so than it is a growing problem with female promiscuity."
Adam, I think you tried to wrap up this great piece of thinking too quickly. Your last sentence mixes three different concepts into it.
The girls grow up unprotected by the adults in their life
They are being victimized by other people who take advantage of them,
And there is a growing issue with female promiscuity.
These are all great threads you could have expanded upon on their own paragraph.
When I am writing articles, I learned that if I first create a story structure about the key points I want to discuss, then when I flesh out the final paragraph or chapter, I don't just have to rush to finish it cause I have run out of words, or have gotten sick of writing the darn thing.
The other thing that helps, that after I write something. I let it cook overnight. And then when I look at it the next day, I can see where I might have opportunity for padding or cutting away unclear sections.
Good job, I'm looking forward to your next next. Rene
Those concepts are definitely things that could be expanded on but it would be too much for a simple article talking about one person. I was just making a short statement and maybe in the future I'll go further into depth. Delivering a 1500 word article will make most people not willing to read it. I may go into it more when it presents itself.
I agree. While it is worthwhile to discuss sexual promiscuity and the sexualization of parts of our society. When it turns to laughing at people who engage in this behavior, a wrong turn has been made. Schadenfreude is a sin and should be avoided. I appreciate you calling this out.
Reading this after excerpts from Rob Henderson's new memoir, Troubled, about his harsh childhood in foster care, and it's fascinating to compare. Abused and neglected boys are "troubled", but sexually abused girls are "damaged," a permanent condition. The details of the backstory are hard for good people to hear, too salacious. For others, those seductive Lolitas deserved what they got. In any case, they can never be high value wifey material and are of no use to respectable society. In many cultures they're ostracized or murdered by relatives. Survivors often have no choice except to become prostitutes. Even here, compassion and hope for a dignified life are rarely granted to the damaged. They're just sluts. This kind of "entertainment" is nothing more than a cruel freak show.
Yes, absolutely agree. Boys are definitely vulnerable to sexual abuse too, but since their social value isn't as dependent on virginity and marriageability, the damage is different. Not any easier necessarily, but different. An intact hymen has been a girl's most valuable social commodity for most of history, and once a girl is "ruined" there's no going back. The famous double standard is still alive and well, for biological as well as cultural reasons. I'm not against all pornography, it's inevitable so no point, but I think normalizing violent and degrading porn has been much more harmful to society than we even yet realize.
It’s 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys, although this is the only form of abuse that girls are more likely to receive than boys but the gap between boys and girls in physical abuse victimization, as well as all other forms of abuse other than sexual, is much greater.
It’s really sad.
The odds of a boy experiencing physical abuse skyrocket in a single mother home, biodads are considerably less likely than stepdads or moms boyfriend.
My personal story has so many similar elements. I was verbally and emotionally abused all of my life ... the moment I had my freedom, I exploded and sex became my drug of choice. I was easily co-opted into Marxian Feminism and, in no time, activism became addiction. But for God's grace, I should have been a statistic. Thank you for sharing.
I'm sorry you went through this but I'm glad you eventually found God's love.
I've said before how that form of feminism captures women who were abused and channels their anger toward all men instead of the men who violated them.
The crowning achievement, as Kate Millet said, was to become the "whore next door." The more marriages you ruined and the more you rendered yourself non-marriage material, the higher and holier you became. It's pure poison. When you finally succomb to its effects, you are left alone for the dogs. No longer useful to or functional for the mission, you simply need to disappear. They eat their own and spit out the bones.
But .... feminism is now dead and the 2nd wavers are transphobic ... the transgender patriarchy is here. Let's see how that works for everyone. #tragic
I was somewhat captured by feminism at one point. Funny thing is the underlying beliefs that captured me came from my mother-it’s dangerous to be good at anything especially better than her. It was easier to project that my fear of standing out etc was because of the “patriarchy” than look at the truth.
Thank you for sharing this. Many of us were attracted to feminism for similar reasons. It gave us a cover for a fuller expression of what we thought we were supposed to be, than an honest caring understanding of who we actually are - and why that is beyond brilliant. I don't think all of the feminists were trying to break with all tradition, but enough of them were that it ruined the whole movement.
That’s why I was a feminist and I liked hearing stories from all different types of women about their experiences. I soured after I read a book called “Backlash”. The author’s premise was there had been a backlash against feminism and one of her arguments was the book Iron John was horribly anti-woman. I believed her and when a guy I was seeing told me how much he had loved Iron John, I thought him an idiot and got the book to find out how horrible he was. BUT I loved Iron John and did not find anything anti-woman in it- actually the opposite. It was a lesson in not believing the “narrative” without checking out for myself.
No matter who we are, what political beliefs who hold, or what we say, the truth is what the truth it. And, feminism, simply put, is a lie. Women and men are not the same - they are equal in value, but different in role and function. This is by design, so when we fight it, we become crazy people. When we go with it, we find peace and joy. I'm just grateful I'm no longer a raging bitch. lol
P.S. Just ordered Backlash - haven't read that one! It' was a $1.50 on Amazon ... :-)
This reminded me of a recent publication on the child sex abuse in Australia. Disturbing but not surprising. Most CSA before age 16 was at the hands of a parent or relative with girls being a higher prevalence.
This is the paper: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0145213423005501?via%3Dihub
I would be surprised if US stats were much different.
Yes, that's a sign of abuse. I was just watching a sexual abuse healing course and one of the participants explained that her father was out of the picture and her mother's boyfriend turned porn on in front of her at a young age. He then would watch her watching the porn from the corner of the room (in the shadows). She became addicted to porn, so much that she now had to watch it to get off because it became a part of her understanding of sexuality. Children are not supposed to be thinking about sex at that young age and it warps them. And, that guy ended up raping her over and over. He was grooming her. We have a lot of groomers out there.
It's sick that signs of sexual abuse are being used for clicks or to claim today's women are "awful." They're abused. We show signs of abuse. It would be nice if people would try to understand how someone came to be in this position.... but, in a way, them gathering round to talk about her hypersexuality publicly in this way is another way to perpetuate the abuse.
That story you just described is disturbing and doesn't surprise me. Predators find a way to get close to their prey and they use single mothers to do so.
I'm reminded of the commands in the bible to take care of widows. Women raising children by themselves have it hard. I know my mother worked two jobs at one point and it's just gotten more difficult since I was a child. Single mothers can definitely look like a good situation to a predator.
Thank you, Adam, for writing this much-needed article. These types of entertainment shows are beyond my understanding. These young women desperately need guidance and deserve to be treated with compassion and never ridicule. I have nothing but contempt for those who choose to take advantage of women in this situation.
My pleasure
Thanks Adam for helping to expose these dangers that help others be more vigilant and educated on how and when to try and be a difference maker.
You're very welcome.
Someone close to me is repeatedly traumatized just by her acute awareness of the extent of sexual abuse. Maybe all of us should be, so we could start actually doing something about it 😞
Thank you for sharing. I watched a video of some experts on CHD who explained that when children get exposed to pornography before they can comprehend it, it swirls in their brains over and over trying to make sense of what they can’t understand and can actually change their brains. Quite often the child will engage in acting out what they see trying to make sense of something they are way too young to comprehend. Something groomers know all too well.
That's a great way of explaining it. It's evil behavior on part of the predators.
I want to know more about the Dad, when she last saw him, was she kept from him by alcoholic unaccountable Mom, the Mom seems wretched but I'm willing to bet one of two things that Mom didn't know who Dad was and had a string of losers that supports your hypothesis or she possibly was kept from her Dad by her Moms trashy ass who may have weaponized courts and such the way imo groomer Alan Kassenoff did to his wife. Just a theory but the fact those bullies even call themselves Christians and didn't have the Holy Spirit tell them in some way shape or form to go and sin no more so to speak is curious. It's a disgusting thing what all of them are doing for likes that's for sure.
A really interesting essay, well done Adam!
I'm really impressed on how you have been able to center your argument around such an important and alarming topic, instead of going all out against this awful podcast. It makes me wound up so much that I wouldn't be able to focus in anything else having the thumbnail of the episode in the background or being inspired by it.
Your closing is also very significant and I totally agree with, children but also teenagers are less and less supervised by constantly busy parents or by parents that are either partially or totally absent. And, these very children are the most vulnerable in a society full of inhuman predators.
Thank you. I've learned that once you bring someone's name or company into the mix, people move away from the point you're making and start claiming it's an attack on those people. I'm diligent in that way. I often avoid using names for this reason.
unprotected and being victimized by predators more so than it is a growing problem with female promiscuity."
Adam, I think you tried to wrap up this great piece of thinking too quickly. Your last sentence mixes three different concepts into it.
The girls grow up unprotected by the adults in their life
They are being victimized by other people who take advantage of them,
And there is a growing issue with female promiscuity.
These are all great threads you could have expanded upon on their own paragraph.
When I am writing articles, I learned that if I first create a story structure about the key points I want to discuss, then when I flesh out the final paragraph or chapter, I don't just have to rush to finish it cause I have run out of words, or have gotten sick of writing the darn thing.
The other thing that helps, that after I write something. I let it cook overnight. And then when I look at it the next day, I can see where I might have opportunity for padding or cutting away unclear sections.
Good job, I'm looking forward to your next next. Rene
Those concepts are definitely things that could be expanded on but it would be too much for a simple article talking about one person. I was just making a short statement and maybe in the future I'll go further into depth. Delivering a 1500 word article will make most people not willing to read it. I may go into it more when it presents itself.
Thank you for reading.
I agree. While it is worthwhile to discuss sexual promiscuity and the sexualization of parts of our society. When it turns to laughing at people who engage in this behavior, a wrong turn has been made. Schadenfreude is a sin and should be avoided. I appreciate you calling this out.
Thank you!
My pleasure