White Fatherless Children Are A Casualty Of The 'Oppressor' Narrative
Fatherlessness is often framed by the media as being a black issue but it's a much deeper issue.
Because of this, there is a demographic of children whose stories never get heard as it's inconvenient to the oppressed/oppressor narrative: they're white.
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I am among the demographic of children who grew up without their father being involved in their lives and I understand the psychological and social impact that missing fathers have on children, especially from a young male's perspective.
When I wrote my book "Black Victim To Black Victor", it was a way of injecting what I believe, is the greatest issue facing black Americans, which at the end of the book, I explain is the greatest issue facing all Americans: Family separation is breaking down our nation.
One of the stories I used in the book is of someone who I befriended online who superficially would appear to be completely different than me age-wise, career-wise, & racially. However, we shared the same struggles as young Adam who felt lost in the world & questioned our manhood.
While I knew who my father was, he didn't know who his father was. We both didn't know what it was like to feel completely at home in one place, leading him to move from country to country to discover himself. We were both lost men in a world that rewards men with direction.
But stories like his are ignored because he is white. Mine on the other hand is tacitly acknowledged because I am black. We are told that children who were like him are a rarity and focusing on the rarity is a waste of time. But is this exactly true?
This comes down to what type of statistics you want to focus on. While black Americans have a higher rate of single parenthood than white Americans, the total number of white children growing up in separate homes is more than black children: I believe the total impact matters.
Since writing my book and publicly telling my story, the vast majority of people who send me emails and private messages with similar stories of family dysfunction and separation do not look like me. They're white men and women who've survived yet are often still struggling.
So, why am I highlighting this? I believe if we only believe one "community" has a problem then we'll never address the deeper matter, which is that family separation is becoming woven into the fabric of our nation and we are slowly accepting this new design.
Nearly a quarter of children in America are growing up in separate homes from at least one parent, the highest rate in the world. Further, the majority are growing up in homes separate from their fathers. I was this child and I became this father at the age of 21 by having a child out of wedlock.
I understand the mountain you have to climb even if you have a non-combative co-parenting situation because you're not there every day. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized the risks I created for my son by having him in this particular circumstance.
We must remove the racial lens from this situation because the extremes of family separation will find their way into impacting others around us no matter their race. Even more so, the oppressor/oppressed narrative only glosses over the pain experienced by real children.
I've lost count of how many messages I've received from white men and women who are struggling to get help for the torment they experienced as children and decades later are still wishing for a resolution for what happened to them (or neglected to happen to them) as children.
A white child who is being neglected and traumatized is no different than a black child who's experiencing the same: they're both innocent children.
White children want to have a connection with their father just like I wanted one with mine.
We're humans: race need not apply.