Why did I want to kill myself? For most of my life, I fought an internal battle of depression and at my lowest points, I thought about ending it all. As I'm a few months from turning 40 years old, I wanted to reflect on those most detrimental moments of my life and answer "why".
Loneliness is the most prevalent but least recognized condition of the soul and personhood of mankind.
It can't be felt by others until they have experienced the utter emptiness of the existence of being acutely alone. Furthermore, if the condition lingers, people go right down hill unless they make extreme efforts to counter the attack. At almost eight decades of living I am alone for the first time. I went for a walk with a friend in the sunshine and blue sky and had the hymn, "Christ Liveth in Me" going through my mind all the way, reminding me that I am never alone because I know the LORD.
Thank you for this article, Adam. It has given me another way to look at my bouts of depression. When I worked as a psych admitting worker at a hospital, it helped me be understanding and learn patience with the people who were more ill. I never thought of it as a gift though! So thank you again.
While heart breaking to read, this ends as a beautiful story of a life devoted to his creator…the Father who loves him and will never leave him. Having been witness to suicide hearing from you has helped me to understand just a little more the uncontrollable power of depression. Thank you for sharing, God bless you and keep you safe.
Strong echoes of Frankl here. If you haven't studied "Man's Search for Meaning" per his reflections of suffering in a WWII concentration camp, he covered similar ground.
Your experience within your context - and the gold you've gleaned from it provides a worthwhile addition Adam - thank you!
Thank you for deciding to stay and live. I love you for choosing strength and embracing pain to fuel growth. You lived to serve others who can't see the light down the tunnel. You're a beacon. Thanks again.
TGBTG…. And I am thankful for you!
1 Corinthians 10:31
I’m sorry those were your parents. You deserved better every child deserves better.
Your writing made me want to cry— mainly good tears. Thank you, I have been there. I am not there anymore and I am grateful that you aren’t either!
Loneliness is the most prevalent but least recognized condition of the soul and personhood of mankind.
It can't be felt by others until they have experienced the utter emptiness of the existence of being acutely alone. Furthermore, if the condition lingers, people go right down hill unless they make extreme efforts to counter the attack. At almost eight decades of living I am alone for the first time. I went for a walk with a friend in the sunshine and blue sky and had the hymn, "Christ Liveth in Me" going through my mind all the way, reminding me that I am never alone because I know the LORD.
You definitely have a purpose for being here and why I'm a reader!
We need more like you! Thank you.
Thank you for this article, Adam. It has given me another way to look at my bouts of depression. When I worked as a psych admitting worker at a hospital, it helped me be understanding and learn patience with the people who were more ill. I never thought of it as a gift though! So thank you again.
This is a superb reflection, tremendous value delivered in a few paragraphs, has much that is relevant to my present situation.
While heart breaking to read, this ends as a beautiful story of a life devoted to his creator…the Father who loves him and will never leave him. Having been witness to suicide hearing from you has helped me to understand just a little more the uncontrollable power of depression. Thank you for sharing, God bless you and keep you safe.
Thank you Adam. You have made amazing strides in the short time I have been reading your thoughts.
Thank you.
Strong echoes of Frankl here. If you haven't studied "Man's Search for Meaning" per his reflections of suffering in a WWII concentration camp, he covered similar ground.
Your experience within your context - and the gold you've gleaned from it provides a worthwhile addition Adam - thank you!
An outstanding read.
I’ve felt similarly throughout my life because of not having a father in my life. Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone.
Thank you for deciding to stay and live. I love you for choosing strength and embracing pain to fuel growth. You lived to serve others who can't see the light down the tunnel. You're a beacon. Thanks again.
a good friend took his life I still cannot understand it but this article helps..thanks