We rarely discuss the boys who are mistreated because they resemble the men who hurt their mothers. "You look just like your daddy" is a precursor to emotional and/or physical abuse and this mother details her sadistic pleasure in beating and tormenting her son for revenge.
I live in a city with a public-transit system, which I have used almost every day for years. Not every week but often enough, I witness young white women waiting for transit (often blond and obese) with preschool-aged biracial sons. These mothers are sometimes extremely verbally abusive to their children in public, usually using phrases containing "N" and "F" words, sometimes even "MF." Whenever I witness this, I think, "If you didn't want a biracial child, why did you have an intimate relationship with a black man?" The verbal cruelty of these mothers is astounding (especially considering that the children are so young), but understanding that they may be projecting feelings for absent fathers puts this behavior in context. Nonetheless, it is NEVER excusable.
This is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone discuss this phenomenon. I noticed it in my high school boyfriend’s family. His mom wasn’t physically abusive but treated him harshly and didn’t prevent his stepdad from abusing him. After I met his dad I suddenly understood why - he looked just like his dad, and the marriage had ended under terrible circumstances which his mom (justifiably) had a lot of anger toward his dad for. She seemed unable to avoid projecting some of that anger toward her son. I’ve noticed this in other families since then, and I think it’s far more common than people realize. What a tragedy.
She went out of her way to be vindictive towards Dad.
His "Crime",
Not tolerating her abuse.
Her abuse of us kids,
Her chronic cheating,
Her drug use.( Pills, booze)
Her constant blaming him.
She claims, to this day, it was his fault she cheated, repeatedly, got fucked up, etc.
After she won custody.
Her favorite" insult" to me was, " You are just like your father." I always thanked her. That usually got my face slapped or my " mouth mashed" as she put it.
She constantly tried to shame me, brow beat me, insult me, put me down, tell me I was lazy ( after taking my money I had earned at after school jobs) worthless, stupid ( Honors program in school, on Debate team)
Call me selfish for wanting to keep 20.00 out of my pay check , to go out with friends, get school supplies, buy a paper back book.
I hope you keep writing on these subjects and will interview Rob Henderson about his book 'Luxury Beliefs.' Admitting women can be just as abusive as men isn't misogyny - which I have been accused of when I say it. It is the opposite, recognizing the power of women for good and for the bad. We can't correct a problem if we refuse to acknowledge it. In a north county of St. Louis, a high school has become so violent that there is now a 'reset' taking place to reduce the violence. I was thinking about the home lives of these kids. What is going on that such violence is taking place? And it isn't money. I grew up near that area. Looking back I have realized that many of my classmates came from lower incomes but they did have the gift of a two-parent home.
"Because we see mothers as safe and nurturing." I don't see mothers, by default, as safe and nurturing. Many are and many aren't, and many women (and men) should never have children. When I was 7/8-yrs-old there were some neighbor girls my age that I hung around. When they would play with dolls I would just watch for a bit because I had zero interest in pretending this ugly plastic thing was a real baby. I observed they seemed to be faking and modeling appropriate "feminine" behavior, but I detected a cold detachment in their rituals. The idea that all females have certain qualities, and all males have certain qualities is a simplistic idea. We can generalize behaviors for both sexes, but we need to remember we aren't bees with specific jobs in the hive. That woman in the video, in spite of her very feminine appearance, should never have control over a child or a helpless pet. This reminds me of the Sandusky child abuse scandal, and the coach/football player that walked into a locker room on a rape in progress. He turned and walked away, leaving that 10-yr-old on his own. We later learned that many other men knew or suspected what was going on, but the hysteria raised in defense of these men (and Sandusky's wife) that looked away was due, imo, to the simplistic belief that all men with muscles are protectors. People would or could not come to grips with the cognitive dissonance.
Wow. Shocking. Some people should not be allowed to reproduce. Fortunately my single parent Mother and my situation was nothing like the one you’ve described. I would suggest that single mothers who act in such a manner are already broken long before they meet an abusive man or have children.
Vengeance on the ex-lover/spouse through the defenceless child is destructive to the child and mother's psyche. She would be a prime candidate for a parenting intervention that helps parents discover that the source of their responses to their children are from their own parenting.
I live in a city with a public-transit system, which I have used almost every day for years. Not every week but often enough, I witness young white women waiting for transit (often blond and obese) with preschool-aged biracial sons. These mothers are sometimes extremely verbally abusive to their children in public, usually using phrases containing "N" and "F" words, sometimes even "MF." Whenever I witness this, I think, "If you didn't want a biracial child, why did you have an intimate relationship with a black man?" The verbal cruelty of these mothers is astounding (especially considering that the children are so young), but understanding that they may be projecting feelings for absent fathers puts this behavior in context. Nonetheless, it is NEVER excusable.
Yes… I know this is hard for you! As a child, you would cry when you saw this happening…
This is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone discuss this phenomenon. I noticed it in my high school boyfriend’s family. His mom wasn’t physically abusive but treated him harshly and didn’t prevent his stepdad from abusing him. After I met his dad I suddenly understood why - he looked just like his dad, and the marriage had ended under terrible circumstances which his mom (justifiably) had a lot of anger toward his dad for. She seemed unable to avoid projecting some of that anger toward her son. I’ve noticed this in other families since then, and I think it’s far more common than people realize. What a tragedy.
When My parents divorced.
My egg donor "won" custody.
She went out of her way to be vindictive towards Dad.
His "Crime",
Not tolerating her abuse.
Her abuse of us kids,
Her chronic cheating,
Her drug use.( Pills, booze)
Her constant blaming him.
She claims, to this day, it was his fault she cheated, repeatedly, got fucked up, etc.
After she won custody.
Her favorite" insult" to me was, " You are just like your father." I always thanked her. That usually got my face slapped or my " mouth mashed" as she put it.
She constantly tried to shame me, brow beat me, insult me, put me down, tell me I was lazy ( after taking my money I had earned at after school jobs) worthless, stupid ( Honors program in school, on Debate team)
Call me selfish for wanting to keep 20.00 out of my pay check , to go out with friends, get school supplies, buy a paper back book.
I hope you keep writing on these subjects and will interview Rob Henderson about his book 'Luxury Beliefs.' Admitting women can be just as abusive as men isn't misogyny - which I have been accused of when I say it. It is the opposite, recognizing the power of women for good and for the bad. We can't correct a problem if we refuse to acknowledge it. In a north county of St. Louis, a high school has become so violent that there is now a 'reset' taking place to reduce the violence. I was thinking about the home lives of these kids. What is going on that such violence is taking place? And it isn't money. I grew up near that area. Looking back I have realized that many of my classmates came from lower incomes but they did have the gift of a two-parent home.
"Because we see mothers as safe and nurturing." I don't see mothers, by default, as safe and nurturing. Many are and many aren't, and many women (and men) should never have children. When I was 7/8-yrs-old there were some neighbor girls my age that I hung around. When they would play with dolls I would just watch for a bit because I had zero interest in pretending this ugly plastic thing was a real baby. I observed they seemed to be faking and modeling appropriate "feminine" behavior, but I detected a cold detachment in their rituals. The idea that all females have certain qualities, and all males have certain qualities is a simplistic idea. We can generalize behaviors for both sexes, but we need to remember we aren't bees with specific jobs in the hive. That woman in the video, in spite of her very feminine appearance, should never have control over a child or a helpless pet. This reminds me of the Sandusky child abuse scandal, and the coach/football player that walked into a locker room on a rape in progress. He turned and walked away, leaving that 10-yr-old on his own. We later learned that many other men knew or suspected what was going on, but the hysteria raised in defense of these men (and Sandusky's wife) that looked away was due, imo, to the simplistic belief that all men with muscles are protectors. People would or could not come to grips with the cognitive dissonance.
So heartbreaking.
why isnt sdhe in jail
Haven’t read the article yet, but this is such a great title 🔥
Wow. Shocking. Some people should not be allowed to reproduce. Fortunately my single parent Mother and my situation was nothing like the one you’ve described. I would suggest that single mothers who act in such a manner are already broken long before they meet an abusive man or have children.
why isnt she in jail
Vengeance on the ex-lover/spouse through the defenceless child is destructive to the child and mother's psyche. She would be a prime candidate for a parenting intervention that helps parents discover that the source of their responses to their children are from their own parenting.
Great piece!