“If you're the problem, then you're also the solution.” Yes! Make yourself someone desirable and likable and good and kind. Don’t blame the women for not filling your checklist criteria.
Great advice to young men who feel lost. The point about a man’s potential vs his band account is very true. A wise woman I know always said marry a man who likes to work. She’s right.
Oh my Adam, thanks for sharing that very personal advice. We face a manhood crisis in America today and perhaps around the world. I grew up without a dad present as you did and somehow, by God's grace, I ended up with the right woman. I have no idea how that happened or whether she just took pity on me, but in any case I was very fortunate. Perhaps my single parent Mom somehow conveyed the essence of what I needed to me? I think you you hit some great points and your willingness to share such knowledge, often learned through personal hardship, is awesome. As ever we are grateful for such insightful commentary. Thank you and keep up the good work.
I would advise men to be adult and reasonable. If you are not a Hemsworth brother, don't focus on the most visually beautiful women in the room. Look for someone who listens and smiles- yeah, maybe they are 10 lbs overweight or their makeup is not perfect.
Think about the woman's heart, how she treats others and is she at least somewhat attractive to you. That person may be the one with whom you can make a lasting loving relationship with.
dont forget to shower and use deodorant. and if you have long hair. tie it back you are probably NOT Fabio.. if you have facial ahir. keep it clean. beards with food UCK even zztop kept a neat beard..here is a very personal one.. have a foreskin? make sure it is clean..
Good thoughts. I have two sons of marriageable age; and a daughter whose experience may provide a counterpoint to your words of encouragement for men.
First, the most clever (in my estimation) advice I gave my daughter on how to meet good men was, If you want to marry someone with a drinking problem, meet guys in a bar. She was never too immature to recognize such an absurdity, and, after a year at a secular university, she transferred to a Bible college, but even Bible-believing, God-oriented men at ____ aren't completely insulated from society's dominance by weak men, and she graduated unmarried. But as she (and her apartment-mates) gets to meet guys since graduation, she is refining her criteria: A guy who is interested in and actively engaged in his pursuit of God, and committed to a moral lifestyle, and working these out in practice, is (yes, all together) a sine qua non. Beyond that, he should be debt-free, or at least seriously committed to working toward that status. He should be healthy and demonstrate self-discipline not only in finances (as mentioned) but in maintaining physical fitness and body weight and general appearance, as she does despite her own imperfections (well, even though I'm her Dad, I had to throw that in lest some guy thinks I'm prejudiced toward her--which I certainly am). She (and her apartment-mates) wants commitment with a man who will provide for her and their children, not necessarily waving a college degree, but not expecting them to forsake families so they can buy houses and cars and stuff they can't afford, to impress people who won't care anyway. And of course, the attractiveness Adam mentions includes personality and other intangibles--not just a list of qualifications, but chemistry as well. Guys, stand up. Mothers and fathers who are raising young men, your mission is serious, and tough in this sissy world.
My advice to young single American men who are frustrated with dating:
1) Focus on self-improvement.
2) Remember that you have until well into your 40s to find your future wife. In the meantime, keep improving.
3) Consider shifting your search for a wife overseas. With the internet, it is now very easy. There are tens of millions of foreign women who would love to marry an American man.
4) Remember that in a decade many of the women who are rejecting you now will be desperate to marry a guy just like you.
Excellent advice. I forwarded to my teen son and I imagine a lot of other parents will too. This is a wonderful counter to the Tates of the world who may drop some smart information once in a while, but wrapped up in a vomitous package that ends up being good for neither men nor women. I am becoming a paying subscriber today. Thank you for writing this!
I’m a retired nurse I’ve been widowed for 2years today and I enjoyed the article so simple and sensible 💋
Thank you 😊
Great principles to live by. These same words of wisdom can apply to women as well. Wish I had a mentor like you when I went through my terrible 20s.😊
I needed one in my 20s too 😂
“If you're the problem, then you're also the solution.” Yes! Make yourself someone desirable and likable and good and kind. Don’t blame the women for not filling your checklist criteria.
Great advice to young men who feel lost. The point about a man’s potential vs his band account is very true. A wise woman I know always said marry a man who likes to work. She’s right.
Oh my Adam, thanks for sharing that very personal advice. We face a manhood crisis in America today and perhaps around the world. I grew up without a dad present as you did and somehow, by God's grace, I ended up with the right woman. I have no idea how that happened or whether she just took pity on me, but in any case I was very fortunate. Perhaps my single parent Mom somehow conveyed the essence of what I needed to me? I think you you hit some great points and your willingness to share such knowledge, often learned through personal hardship, is awesome. As ever we are grateful for such insightful commentary. Thank you and keep up the good work.
Thank you as well
I would advise men to be adult and reasonable. If you are not a Hemsworth brother, don't focus on the most visually beautiful women in the room. Look for someone who listens and smiles- yeah, maybe they are 10 lbs overweight or their makeup is not perfect.
Think about the woman's heart, how she treats others and is she at least somewhat attractive to you. That person may be the one with whom you can make a lasting loving relationship with.
Simple things but these young men need to hear it ! Appreciate you for explaining it so clearly 🙌🏾
dont forget to shower and use deodorant. and if you have long hair. tie it back you are probably NOT Fabio.. if you have facial ahir. keep it clean. beards with food UCK even zztop kept a neat beard..here is a very personal one.. have a foreskin? make sure it is clean..
Good thoughts. I have two sons of marriageable age; and a daughter whose experience may provide a counterpoint to your words of encouragement for men.
First, the most clever (in my estimation) advice I gave my daughter on how to meet good men was, If you want to marry someone with a drinking problem, meet guys in a bar. She was never too immature to recognize such an absurdity, and, after a year at a secular university, she transferred to a Bible college, but even Bible-believing, God-oriented men at ____ aren't completely insulated from society's dominance by weak men, and she graduated unmarried. But as she (and her apartment-mates) gets to meet guys since graduation, she is refining her criteria: A guy who is interested in and actively engaged in his pursuit of God, and committed to a moral lifestyle, and working these out in practice, is (yes, all together) a sine qua non. Beyond that, he should be debt-free, or at least seriously committed to working toward that status. He should be healthy and demonstrate self-discipline not only in finances (as mentioned) but in maintaining physical fitness and body weight and general appearance, as she does despite her own imperfections (well, even though I'm her Dad, I had to throw that in lest some guy thinks I'm prejudiced toward her--which I certainly am). She (and her apartment-mates) wants commitment with a man who will provide for her and their children, not necessarily waving a college degree, but not expecting them to forsake families so they can buy houses and cars and stuff they can't afford, to impress people who won't care anyway. And of course, the attractiveness Adam mentions includes personality and other intangibles--not just a list of qualifications, but chemistry as well. Guys, stand up. Mothers and fathers who are raising young men, your mission is serious, and tough in this sissy world.
My advice to young single American men who are frustrated with dating:
1) Focus on self-improvement.
2) Remember that you have until well into your 40s to find your future wife. In the meantime, keep improving.
3) Consider shifting your search for a wife overseas. With the internet, it is now very easy. There are tens of millions of foreign women who would love to marry an American man.
4) Remember that in a decade many of the women who are rejecting you now will be desperate to marry a guy just like you.
Excellent advice. I forwarded to my teen son and I imagine a lot of other parents will too. This is a wonderful counter to the Tates of the world who may drop some smart information once in a while, but wrapped up in a vomitous package that ends up being good for neither men nor women. I am becoming a paying subscriber today. Thank you for writing this!
Yes! You're not going to be for everybody. That is ok.